Advice: best friend said ‘yes’ to my ex……

Last week my boyfriend who I’m really in to dumped me out of the blue. It seemed like no one really cared except for my best friend, who’s really supportive. Three days later he asked out my best friend and she said yes! I can’t believe it. I feel betrayed and really, really hurt. I didn’t think she’d ever do something like that. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I don’t know what to do, please, please help me!

citi-girl  15. Victoria.

fragile heart flickrOur psychologist says: What an emotionally tough time for you! In the past week you’ve experienced a ‘double whammy’. Firstly you’re reeling from the heart-break of being ‘dumped’ by a boyfriend you were in to. Then, to make matters worse,  your best friend and major support turns around and says ‘yes’ to a date with him. It’s no wonder you’re hurting – you feel completely let down by two people in your closest circle. Is your friend aware exactly how you feel about all of this? Just to be 100% sure, if you haven’t communicated with her about it already, do so as soon as possible. Have your say and be clear in your own mind that she understands exactly what you’re going through. Talk to her face-to- face in private. Avoid yelling or name calling. Instead, as calmly as possible, express how betrayed you feel about her agreeing to go out with your ex. Explain your interpretation of the situation (eg.“I feel so upset you said ‘yes’ when you’ve seen how cut up I am about him. In my eyes, it seems you’re giving my ex priority over our friendship. I didn’t think you would ever do that and it really hurts”). Let her know the outcome you’d like to see (eg. “out of respect for me, I’d really like you to say ‘no’ to him”). Unfortunately, you can’t force your bestie to change her mind. Hopefully however, by providing your perspective on the situation you’ll encourage her to rethink her decision. If, despite your feelings-reveal, she chooses to go ahead with the ‘ex-date’, perhaps it’s a sign to rethink the nature of your friendship with her. If she decides to head out with this guy even though it’s obviously crushing for you, it raises major questions about her sensitivity and loyalty as a friend. It may be time to re-channel your energy into others who more genuinely have your ‘best interests’ at heart.

(image credit: La.)

 

Over to you:  Our psychologist has made some suggestions, but what do you think? Has your best friend ever dated an ex of yours? How did you deal with it? Any ideas to help citi-girl?

 

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One comment

  • I feel really sorry for you citi-girl. If one of my friends did this to me I would be gutted. Its an unwritten rule in our group that you never go out with anyones ex unless there totally over them and you ask there permission first. I don’t think this girl deserves to be your friend if she is this selfish.

    Like

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